The GOOP Detox - Day 5
I was afraid to drink the Smooth Move tea Friday night.
I have four different part-time jobs. It’s common in the field. What’s uncommon is my Saturday office’s strictly enforced no poo policy. You can poo in the bathroom down the hall but not in the office bathroom. Someone should tell the rule maker that women don’t switch positions and use the same general expulsion technique and sometimes it just happens. That someone is not me.
Working Saturdays isn’t all bad. Every other week my dad takes me out to breakfast beforehand. There’s common advice that you should learn as much about your elders’ lives as possible. I wish I was wise enough to ask more about my grandparents first hand before they died. So I like listening to my dad talk even if he tells the same stories over and over. He’s an old man in a new world and he’s never really adjusted. He struggles with technology. “They did something to my computer and now it defaults to Times New Roman. Times New Roman! Can you believe that? I’m a Comic Sans kind of guy.” He has his first gay work friend. “He’s such a likable guy. I think the girls flock to him because he’s not a threat.” Duh, dad. He doesn’t want to retire but his body won’t cooperate. “I’m still at the top of my game. I can still spin the magic horseshit. But I think it’s killing me.”
I ordered a tea only. He told the waitress I was a “size 2 in training.” Daaaaaaaaddddd you’re soooo embarrassing! I ate my blueberry breakfast on the train. I drank some water. I was still hungry.
Lunch was raw vegetables, which Gwyneth calls “crudite” because of course she does. I bought a bag of green beans.
I ate about half. I drank some more water. I ate my afternoon snack early. Almonds. More water. I was still hungry. I white knuckled it until 5:30 when I attempted a new recipe, Cucumber and Avocado Soup. I made a mess.
It looked like guacamole. It tasted like cucumber foam.
I don’t really like cucumbers. Yuck. I could only handle a few spoonfuls. I was so hungry. It wasn’t even 6 o’clock yet. Then, John called.
John and I spent our early twenties working slow weeknight shifts at a dive bar. He moved back to Scranton, PA five years ago and only comes to visit once a year or so. He was in town. It was on Facebook, apparently, but I must have missed it. He was down the street at our former place of employment. I knew better BUT JOHN IS ONLY IN TOWN ONCE A YEAR! I lasted five minutes before ordering a beer. A had a few beers and some pretzels and some quesadillas. I got really full really fast.
I’m pretty sure all I retox-ed all the detox. I was so hungry. Ugh.