freckle juicer

Let’s be honest here: I hate getting up to pee in the middle of the night.  It’s not the peeing, it’s the getting up.  I don’t like getting the mail either, but that’s not really revelent to the GOOP detox.  I PEED FOUR TIMES LAST NIGHT!  I should have expected this to happened with all the smoothie-sipping, soup-eating, and laxative tea-drinking.  By the way, Smooth Move tea, I’m disappointed in you.

I got up early this morning, put on my least pit-stained “Oral Cancer Walk 2006” t-shirt, and headed to the gym.  The sign outside the yoga studio said “Vinyasa Yoga for intermediate and advanced only.”  I don’t even have the balance needed to stand on the bus, let alone survive an advanced yoga class.  I walked home while taking some deep relaxation breaths and called it exercise for the day.  I stopped at Starbucks on the way home with the intention of ordering an herbal tea, per GOOP instuctions.  I caved and bought a small, unsweetened black iced coffee.  Look Gwyneth, I need caffeine.  I can’t handle starving AND having a massive withdrawl headache.  

While locked safely back at home away from coffee chain store temptation, I had hoped a little less aggressive blending would help control the froth on the breakfast smoothie, but today’s concoction was foamy too.  Also, these blueberry drinks aren’t meant for leisurely sipping.  The glass separated into liquid and foamy goop (ha!) in 10 minutes.

OK, you guys, I need to tell you about the coconut water.  First, notice the floaties.

I’ve had some unpleasant things in my mouth before, I had a thing for dirty hipsters in college, but this rivals GU running gel as the most disgusting thing I’ve ever forced myself to swallow.  Sorry Gwyneth.

Lunch was the broccoli soup again.  I heated up my leftovers from yesterday.  It was enjoyably filling.  Then I went to my orthodontist to be fitted for a new retainer.  I only mention it because I barfed up my GOOP soup there.  I’ve never even gagged during an impression before but WHOA I’m glad I made it to the sink.  I wasn’t embarassed as much as annoyed that I’d probably be hungry again soon and I couldn’t eat for hours.  I’m willing to consider the barfing and the detoxing purely coincidental…for now.

I switched the afternoon snack with dinner after my lunch ended up down the drain.  The recipe calls for a chicken breast marinated in balsamic vinegar.  I realized mid-marinade that I bought balsamic vinaigrette on accident.  I hope the extra “ette” doesn’t mess with my detox.  It is organic, by the way, if you couldn’t tell from the 46 times it says so on the bottle.

And I grilled it!  On the grill!

It tasted like chicken in that way that chicken usually does. I made an extra for my boyfriend which he’s so far refused to eat.  Smart man.

My late night snack was miso soup.  

I like miso soup but even the restaurant version doesn’t have much taste.  Gwyneth’s recipe is “Miso Soup With Watercress” but watercress wasn’t clearly marked in Whole Food’s greens’ section so I did without it.  I kind of doubt watercress is make or break with this soup anyway.  It was bland and will probably make me pee all night.  Miso sick of peeing.

Public barfing aside, today was pretty easy.  I wasn’t hungry all day.  Tomorrow’s meals look even more meager, but at least I’ll have less to throw up.  I’m giving this laxative tea another go.  God help me.

Love,